


Walking Away

by Katiegirl901



Series: As You Wish [3]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/M, not a happy time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 03:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiegirl901/pseuds/Katiegirl901
Summary: Set Immediately following '...and Executioner'“I thought I’d lost you.” She admitted quietly, “for the second time in two months I thought I’d lost you.”“I was never yours to lose.”





	Walking Away

**Author's Note:**

> You may recognize a few lines of this from Hurricanes and Hope, I stole them from myself for that story but I honestly think they work better here.

He shut the front door with a weary sigh. His mind was racing and he felt numb and an odd sense of hopelessness that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He felt exposed, his team, his family now knew his darkest secret. They had just put a man behind bars for doing exactly what he had done thirty years prior and he didn’t know how to deal with that, he didn’t know how to deal with the looks he was getting from his team. He rounded the corner into his living room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her sitting on the couch, her blonde hair falling in waves around her shoulders. She was hunched over with her elbows resting on her knees and her hands folded together, the look on her face matched perfectly with what he was feeling inside. 

“I think we need to talk.” She whispered.

Her gaze was fixed firmly on her folded hands and she didn’t look up as she spoke, he could hear the defeat, the exhaustion in her voice and he felt for her, he really did but he needed to keep a safe distance between them… For both of their sakes.

“Not tonight, Jack.” He muttered, stepping to move past her.

“Yes tonight.” She said, her voice slightly louder. “I have never pushed you to talk about anything, we’ve always been honest with each other but all of a sudden you’re… It’s like you’re not even here anymore. When did we start lying to each other, Gibbs?” 

“I never lied to you.” He protested, his voice barely a whisper.

“What about Ellen?” 

“What about Faith?” He retorted sharply.

She drew back as if she had been slapped, everything in her wanted to get angry, wanted to scream at him but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it, she was just so goddamn tired. She tilted her head forward and ran her hands through her hair. 

“I thought I’d lost you.” She admitted quietly, “for the second time in two months I thought I’d lost you.” 

“I was never yours to lose.” 

She blinked at him, shocked into silence at his statement, they had never crossed the line between friendship and something more but he had been more to her than just a friend for a long time, and she had thought he’d felt the same way.

“What happened to being on my side?” She asked, “what happened to being partners? I don’t know if this is you trying to protect yourself but this isn’t what we do, we don’t push each other away.” 

“I’m not protecting myself.” He muttered, his eyes focused on the fireplace.

“Then why are you pushing me away?” She asked, pursing her lips, “Why are you doing this all of a sudden? Damnit, I deserve an explanation, Gibbs.” 

“I’m tryin’ to protect you!” 

She actually laughed at his outburst, a mirthless laugh that ended in a sob.

“Protect me from what?” She asked, her voice rising, “do you think this is protecting me? Do you not understand that in trying to ‘protect’ me you’re hurting me? Because this fucking hurts, it really hurts.” Her voice broke on the last word and she covered her mouth with her hand to stop another sob from coming out. 

She hated herself for the tears that were now falling freely down her cheeks

“People get hurt when they get close to me!” Gibbs yelled, his eyes moving from the photo on his mantle to her, “People I love get hurt, Jack.” 

“No.” She said holding up her hand, “No. You don’t get to make that decision for me! I am an adult, I can decide whether I want to risk that or not, you don’t get to push me away, make me feel like shit just because you’re afraid of being happy!” 

“That’s not-”

“Yes it is!” She cut him off, “this is what you do! You push people away the minute you start to feel like maybe you could be happy and damnit, Gibbs, I’m trying, I’m trying so fucking hard to fight for you right now but you’re making it impossible.”

“I don’t want you to fight for me! I never asked you to fight for me!” 

She bit her bottom lip and stared up at the ceiling, her heart breaking and her eyes filling with tears all over again. 

“Fine.” 

She pushed herself off of the couch and walked over to him, she gently placed a hand on his cheek and stood up on her tiptoes and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, she pulled back and blinked as the tears continued to run down her cheeks.

“I love you too.” She whispered. 

She dropped her hand and stepped around him. He didn’t turn around as she walked out of the room and it wasn’t until after he heard the front door click closed softly that he let the tears that had clouded his eyes fall.


End file.
